i hope you know

almost everyone i know are having their exams these few weeks.
be it at home ( sis ), friends ( alevels & stuff )

let's start from the small shilah. the one who always did badly for every single paper in kindergarten. yess, i said kindergarten.yeah, the weak one. i can't even learn a single alphabet readings and what nots. Teachers will always complain my weakness to my parents each time they came to fetch me home. results? i will get beatings from parents at home, & i was punish to memorise every single alphabets before i go to sleep. i have to write abc till z even though it's like 12am. even though i'll be crying saying 'i'm tired". the moment i said i'm tired, they'll just give me more. writing 1-10 in both numbers and spell it out. which will slowly rise to 20, 50 & 100. A single mistake from spelling, i will have to rewrite the same word 100 times at home. very traumatising indeed.

But i don't mind, because of all those somehow or rather i have a direction in life. and slowly start to improve. yess. haha. if parents didn't act that way i would be far gone. i know most of you would think that, huh? kindergarten only. but to my parents somehow, it's like the foundation of everything. the very super important stuff that needs to be learn from that period of time.

after that, parents don't play much part in my studying process anymore. it's up to myself.

i can't remember what i did to prepare for psle? hahahaha, who did? I do remember doing this stupid 'dictionary-thick' of english assesment called the primary english? & we tend to challenge each other among classmates on who can complete it first. thus, to me it's more of a game rather than revision.

secondary, was the funnest 4-years of my life. but o's was pretty much ok, since i've adapted to the 'heck-care' attitude. it's not good but at least i had fun. maybe because we tend to say "never mind, prelim only" "never mind, not o's yet". yeah that was bad. To be honest, i'm not happy with my results but oh well, yeah. not many people know bout it, except parents.

then the big jump after O's. the one that eventually made my relationship between my dad and me kinda rocky. Had always been aiming for JC but when the time actually comes, decided to choose poly. & yeah, maybe i was abit ignorant. I have always been stronger on the arts side during sec sch, despite being in pure science stream. But i chose science during the first 3 months.& during those few weeks, suffered like shit and then decided to give up on jc even before trying to switch to arts. plus, i was already so lazy to study too hard. to even slightly mug, i can't do it.

why? ignorant maybe. stubborn maybe. fickle, absolutely.

dad blew his top and gave a blow when he knew bout the change. he challenged me, yeah he did. like always. so what? i messed up his expectations. so? my expectations on myself was pretty much messed up too at that moment.

even though, i'm like nothing if compare to most of the readers here.
i know my place too, please don't judge me.

poly? alright i guess. but it's just abit to slow at some point of time. like really, i'll just be like "sure no deadlines?" but when it's fast, it gets abit overboard. Everything is good except projects. other than that, i don't really look forward to school excepts friends or those chilling time. GPA dropped tremendously, it fucking did.

alright, i think from typing all these down i can actually see the change towards the attitude of studies/work. the slowly wrong cycle i'm putting myself into. don't be such a waste.