ain't going nowhere

right, i always have bad dreams when i'm sick
bahhhh, but thank god i felt better now.

ok, sooo tomorrow is National Day eve
but i'm gonna spend my day studying.
never mind, exam coming = semester break coming.
yup yup!

but i've been suffering from lack of sports
these few weeks
oh yeah, i called it the "lackofsportif"
gonna jog my fever off tomorrow morning

i want some tats!
i'm sure god will kill me for saying that

oh dear god


nice tattoo!

ignorance

i guess i'm pretty much ignorant to my surroundings as well
well, to a certain extent.

i tend to hurt myself w/o knowing it ?
like how my hand was bleeding on the way back home yesterday
& i only realised about it in 184, trying to wipe away/ stop the bleeding
by using the other hand.

cause i didn't bring any tissues, hah
& the thing was that i didn't feel any pain at first
till i realised it.

fell sick today & mom 'caught' me
she asked me not to go to school & just rest at home.
called up ling fei and she was pretty shocked at my croaking voice.
hahahahaha, wth!

shilah, you don't have the time to be sick
being sick = wasting of time resting

& i've tried my best

ribbit

parents went malaysia to help out with uncle
went home to see sister doing her normal revision

didn't feel like doing anything,
i'm gonna be sick real soon

strike 1: sore-throat
strike 2: cough
strike 3: flu/running nose

not long before my temperature start to rise i guess.
not before i stuff myself with panadol!
i have no time to even fall sick.

ate something new on the way home today!
visited bukit panjang plaza after like ages of not even stepping.
Ate newspaper wrapped fish & chips at "the naked fish"
kinda cool since it wrap your fish & chips in newspaper!

ok maybe not newspaper, but some paper that they made it looked like newspaper.
cool uh, or maybe some simple suaku-ness.
quite worth for $2.80,
but i've tasted nicer fish&chips for sure.



ps: i already ate most of the fries by the time i walked
from the basement of bukit panjang plaza to the
3rd level to sembawang cd shop!

ermmm, slept in the library while others were revising.
other than that, life was being such a dread for today.

i better get some rest before starting revising,
and i sound like some freak/croak right now.
idiot.

point of view

the cab drove pass ngeeann at 2am++ just now &
i realised that ngeeann looked very scary at night
i don't know, maybe it's because:

1) i don't have a sense of belonging there
2) i went through some life-changing experience ( as in bad )
3) i started to see a decline in my attitude towards studying
4) i still wish i should have stayed in jc longer ( regrets )
5) i dread going to school
6) maybe it's because it's in the wee morning
7) blahhh, a typical "don't know"

but however, the people whom i met there made me strong.
many thanks.

ughhhhhhh. maybe i really don't like you.

there she goes again

i remembered:
i kept on singing the song "there she goes"
during school while slacking with azizah & janet
which makes us one-by-one getting addicted to it.

anyways,

kinda weird, that i felt kinda great when my parents knows
how i actually felt.
like all the blahhh, they do against me

i'm gonna live my life according the way i want it now
whether you like it or not

life was alright so far, i guess
since i have nothing to hide
my room is filled with random useless stuff
search all you want

& oh, work was alright too
kinda busy though, as any usual saturday would be

i have yet to start revising!

hope life been good!

vanished

life is good isin't it ?
when you're happy with what you get,
your parents just doesn't agree with you

the moment i received some good news,
i'll share with my friends rather that you
why?

cause i know, you'll be saying why i didn't choose aero
the supposedly 'good' one
the one which you've planned for me
soo what if it's good ? i don't want to be good
i just want something/somewhere to get far far far away from you

like today,
i reached home to find both screaming their hearts out at me
all the wrong assumptions you made out of me
i'm not as fucking bad as you think
i'm your fucking daughter for goodness sake!

i'm tired of giving in
giving in doesn't makes me a weak-ling or some vulnerable idiot
there's a thin line separating weak and giving in

just let me live my fucking life
i'm shilah, a human who has her wants/needs.
not some bloody goody-good-shoes follower of you both!

i confess my need to be free
why isin't so hard for you to understand?
why isin't so hard for you to let me live the way i want?
why isin't so hard for you guys to trust me?

I HATE YOU!
I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU SEARCH THROUGH MY ROOM.
LOOKS AT MY FUCKING BANK BOOK AND WHAT NOTS.

to those who says, i'm in the wrong:
maybe i am.
but seriously, forget everything you know about me.
this isin't high-school.
i'm sick of all the craps.

you both just sucks at showing how much you care for me.
can't you see in my eyes, how much i hate you both now?

fuck

school was alright.
came down to school for IS today!
& yes, it was the last solo presentation and that marks the end of social psychology!
goodness yayness!

anyways, the presentation was alright.
and hahahahah, tutor asked me where i'm working.
yup yup.

after which, 3 of us:
azizah, janet & me
went off to eat and study at macs.

the two 'tai-tai' wannabes who doesn't want to study!

two 'tai-tai'

looks around

to see one of them wanting to be a teacher!

ok, i'm confused.

alright, and i'm damn pissed now.
if talking doesn't solve everything, i'll fight.
like seriously, in this world you think you can do everything?
you're the big boss ? the whole world revolves around your bloody carcass?
stop being so damn childish please.
you're not even fit for the game.

stop being lame by saying, we've not seen the real you
all of us now has not yet to see the real anyone

STOP BRINGING MY FRIENDS DOWN

fuck off bloody fucker
enough is enough.

and now it's not about it,
it's about you throwing vulgarities at me
that's my god-damn problem with you right now
welcome back to loserville mister
it just shows how badly you're being brought up.

stop fucking my god-damn life!
by which i'll shall be gone if talking doesn't solve everything.
many thanks

& i can't stand my fucking parents who kept on calling me
i know what the bloody, fucking hell i'm doing !

sorry for leaving w/o telling though, have to rush home!