hey there.
I fell asleep at around 1am plus and woke up abruptly at 3.08am crying, panting and drench in sweat. Another nightmare, another sleepless night and yup, I'm afraid. I actually cried while sleeping..
Sister was shocked to see me screaming "nooo, nooo,noooo" like ‘don't-know-how-many-times’ (quoted by sis) for that night/morning. hahahahah and she decided to sleep in my parent's room. My first nightmare for like.. ages of not having one.
Mum said maybe it's cause I'm too occupied/thinking about too many stuff at one go before going off to sleep. yeahh, maybe she's right. Never felt as tired/shag as this for 17 years of my life. Everything is going too fast. I lost my hold on stuff since long ago and I don't even know whether I can gather them all back one by one before it's all too late. I'm beat.
Some friends of mine can't believe that I'm actually slacking real bad. Yess, I've been skipping lessons. Yes, I've been sleeping in between lectures, Yes, I've been the one asking for help nowadays instead of me teaching the rest who needs my help. Yes, I've been sleeping in bus-rides and wherever I go to instead of reading up on notes cause "I don't understand alot of things."
I'm really sooo down now but even the best fall down sometimes. I got expectations to reach out for. Expectations not from me, but from some others. But I believe it's for my own good. They wouldn't set such high expectation for me if they don't love me. But what if I'm losing my faith on all these....
Maybe I'm just thinking too much. Yeah that should be it. Shilah thinks too much when the matter is as easy as ABCs isin't ?
Off to doing my report now and I have yet to start on my common test revisions. In every bad, there's always some good.
And for some reason I miss my grandparents who left me ever since I was 9 years old. My grandmother who left when it's like one day before my 8th birthday. My grandfather who died like 1 year later after my grandmother's when he just arrived Singapore (from his homeland, Indonesia) hoping to visit us in Singapore but 'fainted' at some bus-stop and yes, couldn't make it. and not to mention the grandparents on my father's side who I have never see before. I miss their love and their comfort. I miss having a life. I miss having someone to cry on and easily ask for help when my mum/dad scolded me or even beat me. I miss sleeping over at their place. yes, I miss it all.
That's the reason why I always get curious whenever friends talks about grandparents. It's like "woahhh, soo good" those kinda thing. yeahh..
I fell asleep at around 1am plus and woke up abruptly at 3.08am crying, panting and drench in sweat. Another nightmare, another sleepless night and yup, I'm afraid. I actually cried while sleeping..
Sister was shocked to see me screaming "nooo, nooo,noooo" like ‘don't-know-how-many-times’ (quoted by sis) for that night/morning. hahahahah and she decided to sleep in my parent's room. My first nightmare for like.. ages of not having one.
Mum said maybe it's cause I'm too occupied/thinking about too many stuff at one go before going off to sleep. yeahh, maybe she's right. Never felt as tired/shag as this for 17 years of my life. Everything is going too fast. I lost my hold on stuff since long ago and I don't even know whether I can gather them all back one by one before it's all too late. I'm beat.
Some friends of mine can't believe that I'm actually slacking real bad. Yess, I've been skipping lessons. Yes, I've been sleeping in between lectures, Yes, I've been the one asking for help nowadays instead of me teaching the rest who needs my help. Yes, I've been sleeping in bus-rides and wherever I go to instead of reading up on notes cause "I don't understand alot of things."
I'm really sooo down now but even the best fall down sometimes. I got expectations to reach out for. Expectations not from me, but from some others. But I believe it's for my own good. They wouldn't set such high expectation for me if they don't love me. But what if I'm losing my faith on all these....
Maybe I'm just thinking too much. Yeah that should be it. Shilah thinks too much when the matter is as easy as ABCs isin't ?
Off to doing my report now and I have yet to start on my common test revisions. In every bad, there's always some good.
And for some reason I miss my grandparents who left me ever since I was 9 years old. My grandmother who left when it's like one day before my 8th birthday. My grandfather who died like 1 year later after my grandmother's when he just arrived Singapore (from his homeland, Indonesia) hoping to visit us in Singapore but 'fainted' at some bus-stop and yes, couldn't make it. and not to mention the grandparents on my father's side who I have never see before. I miss their love and their comfort. I miss having a life. I miss having someone to cry on and easily ask for help when my mum/dad scolded me or even beat me. I miss sleeping over at their place. yes, I miss it all.
That's the reason why I always get curious whenever friends talks about grandparents. It's like "woahhh, soo good" those kinda thing. yeahh..
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