shilah-topia • room on the seven floor

"SELFISH, FOOLISH, STUPID & IRRESPONSIBLE"

Those words kept on ringing in my head for the whole day.
the whole time, every moment, every second;
during lessons, lab & not forgetting work!

Thanks Janet,Azizah, Yishan and many others.
Thanks Edmund Lim for watching me cry in the library.
Thanks Yuzhen for the hug.
Thanks Zaid & Naz for saying it's alright.

yup, I'm selfish/foolish/stupid/irresponsible for BACKING out the concert
& leave alot of troubles for others.
I let you down & broken your trust.
Bitch about me, I don't mind.
cause I know I'm the at at fault.
bloody IRRESPONSIBLE me.

But please, there's always two part of one story.

I seriously can't handle too many things at once.
I suck. I terribly suck at that.
I'm not a good multi-tasker.
unlike you, I wish I'm as good as you.
I really do.

Whenever I'm in band practices;
I'll be wondering how's work?
How's my friends at work?
Is everything ok?
I miss them.
& end up LOST in my playing.

They as close as all of you(readers & fellow friends).
I don't know how they do it, but yeah we bonded.
through thick & thin, we're always there for each other.
Daddy problem, tiring problem, and what nots,
they are always there to give you a helping hand
& let you stand strong once again.

they're special.

If I were to quit working,
I'm gonna miss them.
Naz, Shiqi, Edmund, Zaid, Eunice & the list goes on.
All of different backgrounds yet,
we can relate to each other with problems.
That's how special they are.

and we don't even need ORIENTATION camp to bond soo well.
I'm always comfortable around them unlike band.
Where I always think I'm the inferior one.
The one who is always lagging behind & always getting tired sooo easily.
The one who's not enjoying band while others are having a great time.
the STUPID one.

They are too special which I can't let go of.
I will never let go of my friends.
I'll be there when they're in need.
That's what friends do don't they?

They say "you need time to be good again."
"one year of not practising, of course you'll need to practice to be good again."
But, I don't have time.
I seriously don't.

Don't ever question yourself about your capability.
It's not your fault,
it's MINE.
yup, I respect you.
I thank you for everything you've done.
It's just me being selfish.

I like working.
Work is becoming like a hobby/destress area for me.
They are always friends around to make me laugh and leave my problems behind.
Before I start one whole round of mugging again.

If I were to let go ONE;
I will never ever choose to quit working.
My friends are there.
They are those whom I always seek refuge to;
those who know me best.
I don't know why, but yes
I will never find other friends like them.

They really mean alot to me.

I know nothing last forever,
all of us from different walks of life with different dreams & destination.
But please let me be the last one to stand
and see where they go;
That will be good enough.
I don't want to be the first one to say goodbye.
I don't intend to.

You've written your piece.
& here's mine.